When you aren't looking, you just might find what you were looking for!

So, like me, I'm sure you have heard the saying "you'll find what you're looking for, when you stop looking". Well, do you know how many times I "stopped" looking?? But the thing is that I really never stopped looking. Until recently. I found a guy on Match. com and we emailed thru there, then we exchanged emails and emailed some more, then we started texting and talking on the phone. He was really sweet and made me laugh, I even thought he made my heart smile! Due to his circumstances us meeting in person was put on hold (his 3 kids came to live with him full time), but I was ok with it and we kept talking. But this other guy, J, (whom I've had a crush on for years) was on my mind, ever since seeing him at Vehicle Day where I work. So naturally, I went to my sisters for their advice and they both told me that they could see me more with J. They said that they saw how I lit up when he was there. I didn't even realize that! So, my younger sister told me to text him and ask him for his address so the kids could send him a thank you. And while I was at it, I asked if he was dating anyone!! He texted me back and no, he wasn't dating anyone. So we had a nice long "texting" convo and decided to go out! I was so excited! (And a little shocked that I was SO excited!) I told the other guy I was talking to and he totally understood and we are still friends.....Anyway, so J and I went out Saturday night. He picked me up at 5:30pm and I got home at 1:45am!!! It was the best 1st date EVER!! Needless to say, I am off the market now!! :) And believe that what you're looking for will come along when you aren't looking!!

Very bad, terrible, horrible no good, rotten day

Have you ever had one of those days where you can't catch a break and everything seems to go wrong? Ugh, yesterday was one of those days for me. It started with showing up at work and realizing that people are entering our classrooms when we aren't there. This isn't the first time we have had this problem but yesterday there was a big mess that we had to clean up and it just infuriated me! Then, while helping my administrator fix our enrollment sign that is outside (the wind got a hold of it over the weekend), I almost fell down the stairs. To catch myself and keep me from falling I grabbed hold of the railing, resulting in a pulled muscle in my shoulder. I took my son to a special lunch for his amazingly good behavior at school and my stomach was giving me problems. Trying to turn my day around I went to my BFF's house to watch the final Bachelor (that's a story for a different time). I had a great time while there! But then I fell in her driveway when I was leaving and banged up my knee (which of course is my bad knee). I could barely walk last night. This morning when I woke up and it was swollen, black and blue and causing MAJOR pain!! I took a perscription ibuprofen and put my happy face on and went to work. Today was MUCH better than yesterday!!! And thanks to my awesome SIL I don't have to leave my house again today (she's picking up my daughter at school!). So glad that yesterday is over and today was a new day!

Rainy days are good for thinking

It's a super rainy day here today, so I've just been relaxin' with the kiddos.....and thinking. I've actually been talking with a guy I met on Match. He seems super nice, he's a Christian, a single dad.....we are suppose to meet the first weekend in April (he will be traveling for work over the next few weeks). I haven't got anything on eHarmony. Once it expires, I will be deleting that account. As for Match.....I have met a guy that has become a great friend, it won't progress any further than that but he is a great friend! I had a guy from Maryland contact me, but really?! Maryland?!? Ugh......

On another note, the kids had visitation last weekend, neither of them wanted to go (as usual), but this time it was worse....my son was kicking and screaming because he didn't want to go! I made sure that my ex knew this and when he asked the kids about it, I was very proud of them when they told him they didn't want to be there. He needs to know how they feel. And they need to learn they need to tell the truth, no matter what. Sad thing is, it probably won't even phase him......

Does he really exist?

So, I was given 3 months on eHarmony and 6 months on Match.com (that way, if I don't find anyone I can get 6 months free!). After spending what seemed like FOREVER going through the personality profile on eHarmony I was finally able to review and communicate with my matches. I sent so many "first step" questions, and NEVER got a reply!! Then finally I got sent questions, only to find out they were from someone I had "archived". Ugh....so I go on to Match, it took quite a while to do my profile, but not as long as eHarmony. I enter what I am looking for in a man, age 27-37, within 50 miles of my zip code, about average/fit-athletic body type, Christian, non-smoker. I got 13 results. Wow, I thought! Then I started looking at profiles, well, lets just say only about 5 of them seemed like what I was looking for, so I sent them a wink or an email. Then you wait......the interesting thing is you can see who and when someone checks out your profile. Is it really that hard to send a polite, no thanks?! Out of the 5 that I contacted I got one response. We have sense become friends but it won't be going any further than that, after talking to him more, he's just not my type. So I log on again, and check things out.....nothing, lots of people looking but that seems to be it. Really makes ya wonder if it is really worth it.......is it really worth thinking my Prince Charming really exists? Is it really worth wondering what is wrong with me? Or better yet, why can't guys just be polite and say thanks, but no thanks? Ugh....well eHarmony is up next month and I will NOT be renewing it! I still have 5 months left on Match, here's hoping I find my prince!!

I'm so tired......

I'm so tired of pretending that everything is just fine, and then crying myself to sleep at night. I'm so tired of seeing all sorts of happy people in love and feeling like I'll never get the chance. I'm so tired of hearing people tell me to be patient and it'll happen when I least expect it and there's someone out there for me. I'm so tired of trying to be strong when all I want to do is crawl under a rock and cry. I'm so tired of feeling like a failure because I've failed at marriage (I had to do something to make him want out, right?) and at so many relationships (what's wrong with me?). I'm so tired of getting the "pitty" looks because I'm a single mom. I'm so tired of dreaming of finding love but truly feeling like it will never happen. I'm so tired of being alone during the holidays........

Do I have "screw me over" written on my forehead?

Ever feel like you have something written on your head that only others can see? That's how I've felt lately. I was dating a guy at the end of the summer-I believe I did a post about him-and he promised not to leave me, especially for this girl from our past.....and yet, he did. Boy was I hurt. Of all the guys, I never thought he would hurt me like that again! Then in November, I decide to enter the dating world again and started dating this guy, who I thought was the perfect guy for me. We had both been screwed over so much in the past. We had both been hurt so much by others, that I really never saw it coming when he told me he was still in love with his ex. My blood began to boil and I basically went off on him, telling him that she wasn't here-I was! He took a few days and decided that he wanted to continue to date me and that he wasn't going to let her stop him from the chance of finding love again. Yet a week and a half later he tells me that he isn't sure he wants to be with me because he still is in love with her. Seriously?!?! It seems like every relationship from my past has ended in similar ways, where I get walked all over. My ex-husband just decided he didn't want to be married or have a family anymore (of course I come to find out that he had an affair with an 18 year old). My ex-fiance and I split after I discovered he was talking to an ex-girlfriend and making plans to see her (tho he said that's not cheating). And the list goes on and on..... So, I am wondering am I ever going to find happiness or is it always going to end in me being used and abused?

Ugh, the holidays

I love Christmas! I love the joy in the atmosphere. I love the excited faces of my children on Christmas morning. I love the lights and all the decorations. What I don't like is being alone. To me, Christmas is more romantic then Valentine's Day. Having my kids to spend it with is great. And putting toys together with my dad is something I will always treasure. But there's just something about not having that special someone to curl up with during this time of year. And I'm not just meaning on New Year's Eve, tho that is always tough too (the last 2 years I think I was in bed by 10 tho!). I'm talking about Christmas itself and all the festivities leading up to it. You know, all the parties, the events, the shopping.......ugh. Maybe next year will be different.