Do I or Don't I????

As a single mom there are a lot of challenges I face...One of the biggest ones is also the most scariest.....dating.....I've been divorced for over 3 years now, was engaged 2 years ago but that clearly didn't work out. Since then I haven't really dated much. Went out with this one guy (who I really believe was just using me) for a few months last year but nothing since. I've done the online thing but unless I wanna go out with someone who lives like an hour away there isn't much of a choice. My kids father isn't around, they only see him once a month. My daughter always asks "when is God going to give us a daddy?" My son says his Pap (my dad) is his daddy. It's just sad. I am blessed with a wonderful dad and older brother who do fill in, but bottom line is they want a dad and I want someone to love!........I have a friend who has liked me since we were 9, we've dated off and on for years but it hasn't ever worked out. Either I end it (for fear maybe) or he does. We are going out tonight. Guess maybe trying it again. I told him that I don't want either of us to get hurt (he is one of my best friends) so I was going to be completely honest with him, part of me wants to date him, but part of me feels like there is someone else out there (somewhere) for me. He thanked me for being honest and we both think it will help because now he knows why I won't commit. My parents like him as a friend but my dad has some issues with us dating. I think he's looking at long term and worried about how he will provide (he tends to spend rather than save) and such. Though I think my dad is also thinking of how this guy was 10 years ago (when we were in high school). So my big dilemma now is do I let go of the feeling of someone else and just commit to this friend or do I keep holding out??......Yesterday I had to have some tests done for my new job and he went with me to watch my kids. We spent most of the day together, getting the tests done, lunch and walkin around the mall, even grocery shopping (for his mom)! It was really nice. My kids really like him. I don't know....I guess I'll just take it one day at a time and see what happens. At least he knows how I feel......We even joked that if we are still single in 5 years we will just throw caution to the wind and get married, no more playing around! Ugh.....being single just stinks!

Why is it called Doctors Urgent Care but takes FOREVER?!

So for my new job as a preschool teacher I had to have a physical and some booster shots done. No big deal right? Ha! I first went to my county health department (because I don't have a family doctor because of my insurance, it is very hard to find one that will take it!) and they told me that they don't do the shots for anyone under 18 unless I pay for it and they are pretty expensive. Ugh! Well since I had to have a physical done too I just figured I'd go to the local urgent care center (where they also do physicals, etc) and get everything done at one place. I get there and they tell me it's going to cost $90 for the physical! Since so many insurances don't cover routine physicals they make everyone pay for one. Well, that just stinks because I don't know if my employer will reimburse me! So anyway, I sign in and pay for my physical and sit in the waiting room. Twenty minutes later I am being called back. Now let me just say there was no one there! So waiting 20 minutes was just ridiculous! After being called back and explaining to the nurse why I was there, I sat in the room for a half hour! Yes 30 minutes before the nurse practitioner came in!!! Then he does the physical thing and I ask him about the immunizations. You'd thought I asked how to end the war or something! It was ridiculous! Finally they come back in and tell me that I can get 1 vaccine there but they don't have the other one, I have to go to their other office (25 minutes away) to get it and they have to do a blood test to see if I need the 3rd booster so I have to go back on Monday for the results of that and get them to sign the paper saying I got all this crap down and I am physically fit for the job! Aaaaaggggghhhhhh! And this is all for state requirements! It's ridiculous! So needless to say I spent over an hour at this "urgent care" place that was not busy and I am still not done!

"I love you, but right now I don't like you."

Yes, my 7 year old said that to my 4 year old today. I almost fell out of my chair laughing! They get along most of the time, but sometimes my daughter (the 7 yr old) needs time to herself and my son doesn't want to give it to her. So this morning, as he was being his usual "pesky little brother" self, she looked at him and said "I love you but right now I DONT LIKE YOU!" It was kinda cute, but a little mean, so she did get told to be nice-as one of the house rules is "love like Jesus loves". We were out shopping yesterday and got some school supplies for her and she was all excited to put them in her backpack! She's ready to go back to school, but I think it's just because she wants away from her little brother! My brother and I are 3 years apart and I don't remember us fighting like my kids do, but I'm sure we did.

Single and Appropriate

A couple weeks ago a friend and I were talking about some of the challenges of being a single mom. One of the biggest ones we face in our area is finding Mr. Right, I'd even settle for Mr. Right-Now, but where we live they are hard to find. I used to have a saying "Men are like parking spots, all the good ones are taken." I've had people (who aren't single) tell me to look at church or even in the supermarket. Well, haven't found one at church yet and the ones at the store, well, lets just say they aren't what you'd bring home! Or they are married, or in a relationship. I've been single for over 2 years now and let me just say it stinks! Yes, it gives me all the time in the world with my kids, but I need some time with someone else. Ugh, and any time I am down and talk to some of my non-single friends I always get the same responses:

• "Be patient. God has someone for you, He will give him to you in His time, not yours."
• "Stop focusing on finding love and let it find you."
• "It'll come when you least expect it." or "It'll come when you stop looking."
• "Keep praying about it."

I don't disagree with these sayings, it's just sometimes-enough is enough! I don't focus on finding love, I stopped looking, I pray about it daily and still here I am....single. My kids often ask "When is God going to give us a daddy?" My answer is always the same "I don't know". My friend and I were talking to a lady from our church and told her that they need a group for people like us, and she said "you mean, single and appropriate?" Yes! Exactly! We know that our days of going bar hoping and finding someone are over. Lets face it, it's not appropriate for a Christian. Which is why we want someone "single and appropriate". I will be 30 next month and someone once said (not realizing my age) that 30 is an expiration date. I know that is not true, but it's hard to forget it.

One man's trash......another man's treasure!

On most Friday or Saturday mornings in the summer I can be found out and about checking out yard/garage sales! The saying "one man's trash is another man's treasure" can be so true! Usually though I am trying to find great deals on clothes for my kids and more recently myself. I never seem to feel guilty or mad when my kids stain something I got at a yard sale for 50 cents verses something I bought in a store! This year has been pretty interesting, I've got the normal-clothes for my kiddos, mainly my son-which is odd in itself, since boys clothes are so hard to find. And I've seem to be hitting the right sales and getting name brand stuff (Old Navy, Gap, etc.) dirt cheap, meaning 50 cents an item! I love it! People compliment me all the time on how great my kids are dressed, they have no idea most of their clothes came from yard sales! Lol! This year I have been lucky to find somethings for myself. Starting a new job next month means I need some new clothes (especially since this is my first job, other than direct sales, in about 5 years!). I've found great shirts, again from name brand stores, with tags on them for no more than $1!! I've got jeans that look brand new for $2! At one sale I came home with a bag (large bag) of New York & Co and Gap shirts and only paid $8! (I got about 20 shirts and 2 pants!) My biggest "prize" so far this year, and it will be hard to top it, was a pair of hardly worn (tread is like new) Coach shoes for 50 cents!! They were marked $5, but they only charged me 50 cents because I bought so much other stuff! We usually have a yard sale, especially so I can sell the kids clothes, and when we do I price stuff to get rid of it not necessarily to make money because I know there are other people out there just like me, who either love to find a bargain or NEED to find a bargain!

Thanking God for another day with my son

It was a beautiful sunny day here yesterday. Hot but not humid like we originally thought it was going to be. What better way to spend the day then at the pool! One of my bff's has a pool at her house so the kids and I grabbed the "swim bag" hoped in the car and headed over for some fun. Now, let me just say that my kids are not "fish". They do not like getting water on their faces, they don't know how to swim (they can kick their feet, thank God), they basically just like playing. Which is what we were doing. My daughter was floating around the pool with swimmies on some of the time and when she got brave she took them off, but she could stand and not have the water over her head. My son was either attached to my hip or my friends hip. We were throwing balls at each other, just laughing and having a great day. The sun was in and out of the clouds making it a perfect day......until...... My kids are not big fans of dogs either. My son loves them at a distance but freaks when they get up close. My friend has 2 dogs. She got out to check on the dogs and let them out to go to the bathroom, tho at the time I did not know that is what she was doing. My son (who is 4) was standing on the deck by the pool, throwing balls in the water. My daughter was floating around the sides of the pool, I was about in the middle of the pool gathering more balls for my son to throw in, when I heard the splash that stopped my heart. I turned around to see my son, in the pool, under water. I was screaming "keep kicking, keep kicking!" as I raced as fast as I could across the pool (I don't swim either). He was only under for about 3 seconds but it seemed like an eternity to me. I got to him, pulled him up and quickly got out of the pool. We were both shaking. He was coughing and said he felt sick. He threw up some water but I worried about his lungs (he has severe asthma). He snuggled up to me for a few minutes and then, to my surprise, wanted back in the pool. I got back in with him but held him ever so tight. After about 10 minutes, I decided paranoid or not I was going to call someone and see if I should be concerned. So I called my mom. After speaking with her, I called the doctor. I told the nurse what happened-I really hated reliving the whole thing again. She said she'd talk to the doctor and call me back. About 10 minutes later my phone rings, it was the doctor himself. We are so blessed with our pediatrician, how many would take time out of their busy day to call themselves? He asked me to explain what happened, again, so I did. He said that my son should be fine since he was not down long and is acting normal now. I was even holding my son while on the phone and the doctor could hear him, confirming that he was fine. He just told me to monitor his breathing, start him on albuterol when we got home and for the next 24 hours. Then he went above and beyond, in my opinion, and asked how I was doing. Honestly, I was blaming myself. How could I let this happen? Why did I take my eyes off my son? Why did I not ask my friend where she was going? I felt like the world's worst mom. Dr. M reassured me that it was an accident and accidents happen. He told me that I cannot watch them 24 hours a day, that's what God is for. He told me that I am a great mom and my kids are lucky to have me. He made me feel a lil better, but I still was beating myself up. We stayed at my friends for a couple more hours, playing and laughing trying to forget what happened. When we got home, I didn't want to let my son out of my sight. When he was ready for our bedtime snuggles, I held him extra tight. I kept thanking God for not taking my son, for allowing me to get to him quickly, for the pool not being extra big that would've made it longer to get to him, for several things..... My son had a rough night last night, lots of screaming out in his sleep. He either had to hold my hand or lay on me and even that didn't always work. I just kept whispering "ssshhhh, its ok, mama's here..." This morning when he woke up, he gave me a gentle kiss on my cheek (he thought I was still sleeping) and told me "you're the best mom ever"....I so needed to hear that! He's being extra loving today, which is totally fine with me! I learned several lessons from yesterdays accident, but one big one is to always love on my kiddos, to tell them how much they mean to me and how much I love them and am blessed to have them in my life-because you never know when God is going to call them home.

Playing with Bubbles

Do you remember playing with bubbles and the feeling of joy it gave you? The other day I was watching my kids play with bubbles and just laugh and giggle. It made me remember how things were so much simpler as a kid. You dreamed about your perfect man, planned the wedding and decorated the house! Then you grow up. And the dreams change.....well, unless you are like me and are a single mom, then they pretty much stay the same! There is just added stress on top of it. So as my kids played, I joined them. Spinning in the bubbles, trying to catch them before the popped-just laughing and giggling without a care in the world! My life bubble popped about 3 and a half years ago when my now ex husband came home from work and told me "I'm done". Done? With what?! He went on to tell me he was done being married, done being a father, just done. He said I could have whatever I wanted, he just wanted out. Wow! I was devastated. I grew up where the word divorce was not in our vocabulary. It takes 2 to make a marriage work and only 1 to end it. And that's what he was doing. I was hours away from family, a stay home mom (my kids were 4 and 7 months) battling post partum depression and my bubble just popped! Lucky for me, God blessed me with amazing parents. They came and helped me pack up my things and moved me back in with them. Then I started the divorce papers.....he told me I could have whatever I wanted and that is what I was going to do! We didn't own a house, the vehicle I drove was already in my name and we really didn't have any joint credit cards-all we had of value were the kids. I went for full custody, giving him visitation rights only-after all, he said he was done being a father! When we went to court, the judge looked at my ex as though he was insane to give up his kids and only get a few hours a month visitation, but he signed the papers. It was final. I was divorced. POP! Looking back on things now, as if standing outside that little bubble I thought was so perfect, I see that I am better off being divorced. He was controlling and manipulative. And now I get to raise my kids in the way I believe they should be! But at the time, when my bubble popped, it was hard. Life now isn't a bed of roses (or maybe it is since they have thorns!), but my bubble is floating as we laugh and giggle through life!